Hey boss, David Sedaris wants to correct you.

Comedian David Sedaris has recently noticed a few annoying habits:

I travel across America twice a year, making many stops along the way, and every time the country seems a little different.

During this last trip, I noticed that the word “perfect” became more and more used not as an adjective—the perfect spinach soufflé, the perfect eight—but as a response to a statement.

“We’re leaving at 8:30.” “Ideally!”

“Easy with the eggs.” “Excellent!”

I’m not against perfection, it’s just something I noticed.

I also noticed that many more men address me as “Boss”.

“I would like to check out of my room.” – Okay boss.

Why does this bother me so much? I asked.

One morning in a restaurant, my waiter came over with a coffee pot. “Congratulations, Boss?

“I don’t want to be a pill,” I said, “but please don’t call me that.”

“What would you like me to call you instead?” he asked.

Comedian David Sedaris. CBS News

“Sir will do,” I told him. “I mean, that’s what I would call you.” (I thought for a moment that “Mr.” is an option, even though that’s what a child would say: “Hey Mister, you dropped something!” Though it’s at least serious.)

It seems that there is always a smirk behind the word “Boss”. It’s like calling a woman “Princess”.

“So, will you have a latte and anything else, princess?”

My father called other men “Sonny”. Not if they were kids or wore suits and ties, but only if they were his age, filled up his gas or wore his golf clubs. It made me and my sisters cringe. It was like he poked his nose into something. “Chief” had the same sound as “Sport”.

In England, you hear “buddy”. “Who are you talking to, buddy?” I asked my British friend Dave. “People, I think, will tell me that,” he replied.

In that respect, it’s like “The Man”. “Hey man, you dropped your wallet!”

I always thought “Sir” followed “The Man” and I hope “Boss” is just a transitional phase, just like “Dude”. In the meantime, I will continue to gently correct people, and in return they will nod like you do when you are half listening and say, “Great.”

For more information:

The story was produced by Amy Wall.

Other works by David Sedaris:

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